Tell Me About It

My girlfriend is considering going out with her ‘psycho’ ex for his birthday

He even threatened to kill me when he first found out about us

PROBLEM: I’m in a difficult situation. My current girl and I have been together for five months, her ex still won’t leave her alone, especially after she told him in the second month we were going out. This was the worst mistake as it made him more nuts and he began to try harder to get her back. His birthday is coming up this week and he wants to take her out. Do you think I should allow that because she is telling me she wants to be mature about it?

She refuses to be in a relationship where I don’t allow her to talk and be civilised with her ex. It’s like she still has feelings for him. She was in a toxic abusive relationship with him. She is really into church and is a really good person with a good heart. She feels bad because she has moved on and her ex hasn’t. I don’t know what to do and I’m confused, plus it’s a long-distance relationship. She even said there will be conditions to meeting her ex: he can’t kiss her or think there will be a chance of getting back together, but her allowing this meeting just gives him hope.

He is psycho and he even threatened to kill me in the heat of the moment when he found out. I just can’t understand why this is going on.

ADVICE:From what you say, your girlfriend was in an abusive relationship with lots of manipulation and control. It seems that this situation is continuing to some extent both in her ex relationship and also in her relationship with you. Her ex continues to manipulate her by drawing her into a continual connection and you, in turn, are being manipulated into supporting her continuing with this contact on the basis that it is not your choice and she can be mature about it.